Letting Go after Death
When is it finally ok, to let that person go?
I'm here to tell you my sweet cherubs, there is no right time. Grief is like an ever unfolding flower. Slowly unfolding and falling away, one petal at a time.
One moment, you feel ok. One moment you feel devastated.
It does get easier. It always gets easier. The distance between the stabbing pains, the overwhelm of grief, it softens. In our society, we’ve begun to make feeling deeply sad WRONG. This feeling your feeling, it's not wrong. Its human. Your a human, and feeling the whole spectrum of emotions is totally normal. No matter how much personal development or spirituality shit you've done, you are going to feel, and life after death will be painful.
Allow those feelings, allow the time, the space to just be. Let go of all the expectations around how it should look. Our western society is now being controlled to look for a quick fix, to get over something, to numb something or to not feel at all.
Be like the buffalo. When the buffalo see a storm coming, they run right into it. They know the best way to get through something, is to go right through it.
Cause I promise you, I promise you this. If you DON’T feel the pain now, you will. It will creep up and bite you on the ass. 2 years, 5 years, 10 years later. It'll show up in sickness, anxiety, stress and anything you possibly thought.
One of my favourite spiritual mentors Marianne Williamson once said this :
“When someone has died its the difference between
I am grieving, life is over, I will never see them again, Physical death is a torment that never ends
This being with them in physical carnation is over, that my grief is understandable, this is not a sign of mental health is a sign of love
That got me so good. For me, it's like a deep soul knowing that this is not our end. I've seen my mum. I talk to her often, she is always with me, within me. It gives me the greatest of comforts. And 14 years later, nearly half of my life she hasn't been with me. I still deeply miss her. I miss her touch, her love. But through my healing I now live my life to the fullest, knowing that fuck, if i don't live my life for me, i’m god damn going to do it for her! She would never want to see me in pain, especially for the fact of because she left me.
So I choose
I choose again, after sadness… I choose JOY
I wish I had some big ass book or manual that tried to explain what grief is and how to cope with it. I don't. All I have is a few words that will help you to understand, and that you ARE NOT ALONE.
I promise you. There have been so many others that have gone through this, and they've survived. This pain you feel, it’s not permanent, just like life.
Nothing is permanent.